..I'm fed up tonight sat here thinking about my life haha. Hello loser.
Thing is I go to college, I go to work, I see a dietition, I get counseling & I spend time with my boyfriend. My social life is none existant.. I put on a loud front at college & at work & I'm getting sick of myself.. it's not me. I want to be myself, I have nobody to be myself around which leads to me getting frustrated which has lead to counseling & things keep getting worse.
I go on nights out occassionally when my boyfriend feels like it. If I felt like going out he wouldn't want to come with me. I go to places I don't enjoy all for the sake of going out. Nobody wants to go where I want to go, is that realy that selfish of me?
Like I've mentioned before nobody comes to me first, nobody invites me places, nobody bothers.. I always make an effort.. I wait for people that wouldn't waste their time waiting for me, I go places I don't want to with people who wouldn't do the same for me, I do things I don't want to do to keep people pleased etc..
Thing is I go to college, I go to work, I see a dietition, I get counseling & I spend time with my boyfriend. My social life is none existant.. I put on a loud front at college & at work & I'm getting sick of myself.. it's not me. I want to be myself, I have nobody to be myself around which leads to me getting frustrated which has lead to counseling & things keep getting worse.
I go on nights out occassionally when my boyfriend feels like it. If I felt like going out he wouldn't want to come with me. I go to places I don't enjoy all for the sake of going out. Nobody wants to go where I want to go, is that realy that selfish of me?
Like I've mentioned before nobody comes to me first, nobody invites me places, nobody bothers.. I always make an effort.. I wait for people that wouldn't waste their time waiting for me, I go places I don't want to with people who wouldn't do the same for me, I do things I don't want to do to keep people pleased etc..
I feel as if the only way to keep myself in a good mood is buy spending money & as some one kindly pointed out to me the other day 'your material shit doesn't make you any prettier' urh.. all I ask for is a cuple of friends who like to shop & who like me haha I want to go to sleepovers & make cocktails & do facemasks like every other normal girl does. & it'd be nice to be left alone.. even for a little while just give me a break I'm sick of hearing petty comments being made about me all of the time.. especially from people I don't know.
'Be yourself'
P.S happy 100th post.
'Be yourself'P.S happy 100th post.
ahhhh i always come last in peoples thoughts.. like this is a bit weird but, half of my friends decided they were lesbians and now only go out on the gay scene and obviously don't invite me and even if they did it would be slightly weird for me to go, i'd feel a bit awkward.. and then the rest of them all have millions of other friends.
ReplyDeleteno honestly though, i spend so much time sitting on my bedroom floor thinking this. i get to go shopping but it's with andrew and boys just ain't as thrilled about things as i am.
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i really really really like that tattoo.... i wanna get one so bad!
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I'm totally frustrated with myself, I'm so shy it's unreal, it gets in the way of everything and I can't get away from it. My friends take the piss and they really don't understand how bad it is. I'm sick of everything being so boring, not being out every night like most people, not talking to many people. I'm too scared to talk to people, and it's horrible. I've had counsiling too.
ReplyDeleteYou just have to distract yourself from thinking about yourself, I know how crappy it can make you feel. You just have to think there's worse things in the world! :)
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i know exactly how you feel becky!
ReplyDeletemy friends, as much as i love them, aren't into the same things as me, so i never do anything at weekends, i seem to go to college come home, and generally thats it.